Girl with a Pink Ribbon

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

2009-05-10T07:14:00.002-04:00

To all of you blessed to be mothers out there- I am wishing you the tidings of a Wonderful Day. My Mother could not have received a gift any better: Her one and only "Messiah" drove home from his Winter nest in FL just to be home with her for her big day. She is totally beside herself with joy. My hair, if I had any, could be engulfed in flames and she would be doting on him. Jealous? Eh, a little. Its the thing that she has been in my keep since November and I get nary a Thanks because she is so happy to have him around now. I assumed that we would do brunch at Oakwood. Wrong. They are going to dinner 6:00 PM (way past my bedtime). He is going to stop here early to drop off some Lit. on houses for sale in FL for me. Maybe he just wants to see me alone without her. Let's hope.

NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER FOR YOU

2009-05-07T10:48:00.001-04:00

Dear God: The lady reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when she walks with you, She will always be safe. Love you Girl!!!!

HOLA! FELIZ CINCO de MAYO!

2009-05-05T07:13:00.002-04:00

Andele, arriba, its Cinco de Mayo!! We discussed having Mexican for dinner tonight. Would have to be take- out because I want good and good is labor intensive (to me). Any ideas out there for a menu? El Canelo is probably the best bet unless we do Torrero's. This will keep me busy all day! We also have a $50.00 certificate for TGIF and they do OK 'pseudo' tex/mex. I was so goofed up on my schedule that I realized too late that my website was behind for the Cinco de Mayo holiday. Rats. But, I still have Mother's Day for now. I'm doing a BOGO. Buy any item, get a free pair of earrings with the order. Do me a favor check out the ETSY link for some good deals. I am going to self grandize here. The wonderful thing about the earrings is that they are virtually weightless. One of my friends protested at lunch and lucky for me she did. She said that she "ruined" her earholes (sounds dirty) by wearing big heavy earrings and now she can't wear the bigger earrings because they pull on her poor, abused lobes. I said- "try a pair of these on"-its like you are not even wearing earrings. Sure enough, she loved them. No pull, no hurt, truly user-friendly fashion! OK enough about business. Pass on the link and you will make me a happy puppy! Tiene una grande Cinco de mayo y no bebe muchos cervecas comprende?

Facebook no,no,no

2009-05-04T06:54:00.003-04:00

Hello Dahlings its already Monday again (Scream this part...) The hellish week of the 15 pills a day. It would be easier to give me a giant marshmallow and let me gnaw on it all day!! Like that dream about your pillow! I have CRAZY dreams-from the meds? Perhaps. Maybe I'm just crazy period. Yes, that's it. A few observations. NO OFFENSE to Asian, Eurasian, Kind of Asian... you get it. Last night the step-brat and I had a very heady and educated conversation regarding the definition of BAD Chinese food. We had bad Chinese last night. Dry, crusty, flavorless, takeout. Now we have narrowed it down to two in his new-driver range. GOLDEN WOK, CHAN-AN (3700 Peach). Perhaps Fortune Garden was having an off night, eh? One should not be able to screw up chow mien for goodness sakes. Right? I love that my boy is old enough, and resposible enough to drive now yippeee! He is really coming into his own that little shit. The other thing is Facebook. I was literally swallowed up into it a few weeks ago-OK month ago. Now, it is like some rampant, living thing all its own, and quite frankly, I don't really like it. Way too invasive for me. I'll talk when I wanna talk. That might be once a month if need be so. I have a Hell of alot more important things to do than send you a molotov cocktail to blow up Stevie the Snake got it? I got livin' to do here! For now, if you are trying to reach my Facebook... I say Face Off Teeny Bopper!! Yea.

Was I High??

2009-04-26T04:40:00.002-04:00

Hey- Can someone out there stop me when I begin to blog slightly off the mark items? My tag on blog was just to illustrate that there are better times to come ahead- Including Spring. Many of my "snow bird" friends and family are coming home this week from Florida! It will be so great to connect with them. The potential buyer is coming for the third time to look at our house tomorrow afternoon. I hope I can stay awake and away from the house until they are done looking at it. The Florida house I love, now includes a Ford Explorer for $4,000. They must be desperate. I will try to link that picture to this blog so I can show family and friends. Pray for money and good circumstances for this gentleman. Have a good Sunday- Think a big, 'ole, fresh, Asparagus quiche is in order.

Good to be, good, Better

2009-04-21T06:28:00.003-04:00

I just had a few afterthoughts... No baby yet, Good to come. I celebrated my Science Teacher Earth Day roots by setting up a 2 gallon fancy guppy tank, which I love, Celebrates life, Spring, Birth!! Better: 10 years ago I was at a teen conflict summit at MPS the day of Colombine. Thank-Goodness we have learned and recognized our mistakes after such a tragedy.

You Gotta Be Kidding Me!!

2009-04-21T05:42:00.002-04:00

Good Morning my wittel chickadees- I am now up to 15 pills a day now come on, This is CRAZY! My, poor, Pooor DC he is going nuts with me! With food, without food,together, separate, it is sooooo confusing. I have abosolutely no brain power left and he just says, with extreme angst: "TAKE THE PILLS". I say but won't those make me ill, don't those cause diarrhea, Don't those make me restless OMG I'm killin' myself with all this whining. I have fallen twice (and can't get up-- waaaa) in the past two days. In the garage on... Air? and a biggie in the living room , down on both knees, yesterday- again on who knows what. I wrote an email to a very capable Lord's Employee yesterday regarding my hopeful golf league. Of course (no pun) I missed the meeting I was writing about. What a mess! Now I know she thinks I'm a total nut case. For some reason, I cannot keep my dates straight lately and it is so maddening! One of the things I need/want to check is the couple having the baby and blogs here. I hope she is done and had a great go of it. I will check and respond. They are so lucky- I wish them all of the best. I am still learning the ins and outs of posting and blogging. I would like to post some pictures of us and that is one of my next goals. Nada too exciting my way- hang in all- I love you and hope all is well. Trixie the girl with brain cancer now.

Metastatic Breast Cancer: The Uglier Beast

2009-04-07T05:47:00.004-04:00

Well now this has been a most depressing week and a half around here. I am scared shitless this week. I don't know what to do with my sorry butt. Last week, I was physically run down, weak, sick to my bones (literally). Too tired to care about anything but my next breath. This week seems that it is improving. I am getting physically stronger but now I'm a mental case over where my death clock is set. I was so stupid. In 2003, my initial breast cancer diagnosis, I figured, Bump-in-the-Road. Just get it over and done with. Well, that nasty cancer was going to show me. Now, I'm not really even sure where I do and don't have it. I know it is in my bones, spine, brain (EEEKKKKKKKKK). I know that I am on some nasty oral chemo. that makes me puke... alot. And I hurt and am tired EVERYWHERE.my poor mate he is subject to every little thing I feel and gripe about. I feel mean. I snap at the dog (there's a role-reversal), get impatient with my step son and my mother (chronological ages not equal but psychological... OMG.) She is 93 he is 17. I don't know about either of their sex drives but they sure can hit the agitate button with skill! One of my mom and dad's best friends died this past week. I went to the funeral home with her and had the shakes and felt nauseous. 1) a bit close to home for me: "Casket /pine box, cremation?Would DC wear one of those tiny urns or a ring with some of me in it? AW just toss me around Fox Run GC and be done with it. 2) she, who NEVER cries, was upset about judy. Well, she better get out of denial mode soon because I relly don't know what amount of time I'm looking at. To borrow Mom's phrase: Hey Doc, can I still buy ripe bananas??!! I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone but me. Hell, Im probably the only one that reads this and that's OK. Just let DC know that I had a blog.

New Jewelry Style

2009-03-24T07:00:00.002-04:00

I have become enamored with a new metal technique called chain maille or chain mail. It is the basis for the suits of armor made from rings assembled to make mesh and various type of link bracelets, chains etc. Very fancy and quite intricate. I have decided to branch into this area after seeing some very cool designs. One can become quite involved in elaborate patterns and when I learn how to upload pictures and images I will do so to show some techniques. Right now Byzantine stitch or style is my favorite. Physically, I am feeling stronger everyday. I cannot imagine how sick I was a week ago. Now I hear that SARS was going around the area again. Please God let that one miss me! I am hoping to get all of scans and tests from Hamot together today to go to Roswell for a second opinion this week. I think that I was having a reaction to the Decadron and it was keeping me up all night. Last night was my first night to go to bed before morning! My step son was helping me the other night because I was so out of it. I didn't know what end was up! He is a good boy and Is just about ready to take his driver test. Dad and I paid for lessons because it is just too darn mard to work with him one on one. It was the best money spent yet! After polling other teen's parenents we knew we had to do it because it is the best way to accomplish an end to a means or vice versa! Pray for me that Roswell cannot do any more for me than we are doing here at the RCC. And that all is on course as it should be. I'll blog at cha come Friday or Saturday. Hey Pizza Wings- How's Eli's lookin?

The Three Dreaded Letters F-L-U

2009-03-17T04:08:00.004-04:00

Saturday morning ( 3/14) I woke up in a complete haze. Thought I was dying (again). DC said you want to crawl out of your skin don't you? I could not agree more. I will spare all of us the details. I got home from Hamot today at 10:30AM. Feeling much better. When they diagnosed my issue as FLU "A" they couldn't get rid of me fast enough!! My Life Saver Doc mix up a big old bag of power vitamins and juiced me up with B12 shots and made me feel like a millionbucks. The good part, from what I could glean was that I broke through the Parade!! ANY pub crawlers PLEASE BE CAREFUL!! Respect the beast. WE HAIL Dr. JOE ALL HAIL!!

Energy Vampire (Scary-But Not Too Scary)

2009-03-13T03:09:00.003-04:00

I am sure that some of you are very familiar with this personality type- You would know if you met them or know them.The best way I can describe the interaction is that they approach, plug into you, suck all your life force, feel regenerated, and leave. You, are left either exhausted or very frustrated. I even am now having a get sick at the sound of her voice reflex. We took my son to Prep the other morning, I got up early, showered, changed and was with them at the school when she started the phone calls. Two to my Husband Two to me. I had 3 voicemial from the previous day because I had slept most of the day. I turned on the voicemail. Yes, they were from her. That was it, The fact that I wasn't on my A game did not help but we started to laugh-at first-then ArGH. OK, go home and rest and try Walmart tomorrow. Her grand plan for Tuesday was that since she was off of work (nurse) that day she could just come over and hang out with me. Even if we did nothing. That's great but if you met her it is like CHAOS walks through the door when she lands. I believe her emotional vampire type is to merely suck energy to sustain this turmoil all around her. I have dealt with it when I was stronger, pretty well. Now, I can't get the edge and she is gaining fast. OK Here's the example. My MD. had to get me some nausea pills. He had them at the office. My husband was at the club having a couple well-deserved beers and when I called, I said run over and pick up the pills (its next door). Convenient-no problem. He got the pills, and came home. The next day our friend said that The Vampire struck. Told everyone I am with hospice, this is not good, If they want to see me, they better start making arrangements crying, carrying on. She is a nurse and should be able to help me, etc. I assure you, I am on the mend and back in the ring and she is-getting worse. I need help. Anybody willing to toss some good advice my way, perhaps an amulet or chakra, or crystal, I don't know, send me strength that will help alot. I decided to call her tonight at work because she was supposed to work 3:30PM-3:30AM. She was not there. So I left a vmail and told her I was sorry that I missed her. But I probably shouldn't have said that because I really wasn't. And I lied to her. Of course, she tends to put me in that feeling. I spoke with one of our mutual friends whom I haven't heard from in quite awhile. She said Vamp told her that Vamp and sister were staying here and doing watch and Vamp was getting burned out leaving here to work 3rd shift. I haven't seen Vamp or sister in a month. That scares me. She also told friend not to call because it will distrub me. I was mad at Vamp and told friend she has to ignore her. Friend does not really have intuition on people so she feels something and I'm trying, slowly, to help her see what it is. OK Thanks for letting me rant. Dinner tonight- Early Corned Beef. We love it so much we're doing it again on St. Patrick's Day but making reubens. Or Perhaps Kevin will make reubens for us. LOVE YOU OAKWOOD!!

I'MMMMMM BAAAAACK! (How cliche)

2009-03-11T01:11:00.001-04:00

Well I have finally rebounded again. Wow, this one took a couple of days. And I was not happy about it at all. I'm tired of getting sick and tossing everything good I try to eat. I have to eat but my body says I don't have to retain what I eat. This is so frustrating. People have suggested ginger root. Does ANYONE know if this is an effective nausea treatment? I just might have to try it-it sounds good. I had a really great day today! My sister, who is a complete suburbanite, was afraid to go to Natalie's (Erie County Farms) alone. So she took mom with her! They waited over an hour to buy corned beef but the beef never came. Meanwhile, Nancy, a diehard Wegmann's shopper went nuts on all that gourmet crap she eats; organ meats (gag), head cheese(x2), cheeses, fruits, veggies, etc. She was as always amazed at what she saved on her purchase. Using Weggie pricing, she calculated approximately A $150.+ tab. Bottom line$70.00, nice take. However not so nice as to go again I don't think. Wegmanns has heat and cafe latte and fresh sushi and.... My mom goes for me and her every Wednesday that Nat. is open. It is a highpoint of her week. She gets there at like 8:30, grabs a cart, and is the first in line. ALWAYS. If you see a lady about 4 feet tall with a brown winter coat, say "Hey mom! Tracy said 'Hi'". She'll go nuts! Tomorrow, she has to go because the corned beef all had to be remarked and was not out early. PLus, Natalie opened late and that really gets the line brewin'. Actually, we love the veggies and fruits we can practically eat for free from there. I don't ever feel guilty about my Asparagus fetish at the prices she charges. Romaine and greens either. You could give mom your list and she would shop for you too-she is such a keeper! Total matriarch of the family. Her routine is firmly engrained in all of us and very, very little will sway her. When my Dad was passing a few years ago, we were sitting by his bed and she looked over at me and said this SOB better not goof up my card night. Of coursse, she loved him more than anything but, he had been sick a looong time and she needed the rest. We began to worry more about her for a while, he had the morphine. Plus, she never allowed him to worry about anything. She worries for all of us. Wow, did that digress. As you can see, I must be feeling better. My niece in CT emailed me today. I think I may have to fly up to see her version of Turkey Hill and go to the buyers district in NYC for deals on jewelry supplies for my art. It was a good day especially after my afternoon nap when I woke up with better vision and balance than I've had since Saturday. That is the part that scares me alot but it does clear and I hope it continues to do so. We never got to the polenta because I was too sick to make it and/or eat it. Tonight we ate the bread bowl beans and greens. Yummy. If you want the recipe, let me know. It very nutritious and is sinfully easy and filling. Perfect for this ugly day. Tonight I spoke with a good friend I've been missing like crazy. It was so nice to catch up with her and now were cyberlinked again so I am back in the loop on that front. You go and have yourself a Merry little Hump Day and I'll be talking at you because I love to talk and my man can only listen about 10 seconds before he is under and out of the radar.

Monday Manic? Not Here.

2009-03-09T17:32:00.002-04:00

Eh I wasn't going to say a thing today and then Martha Stewart's damn dog up and died in a a propane explosion. Sheesh-ya think he'd know better than playing around. Probably was trying to do some craft on it and... BOOM! No. Seriously, that is awful. Martha may/not be alot of things but animal lover she is. I have to close for now, I have not felt good all day and radio (for radiation) brain is making this way to difficult right now. Later Peeps. I'm out. By the way, I've got pics to post later this week.

SUNDAY "GRAVY"

2009-03-08T07:59:00.004-04:00

Clocks reset.... Check. Realizing its 7:00 instead of 6:00 AM...Check. Blog and Sunday Menu... I'm on it. First- Congratulations to the Sansone-Guthartz Families on Maria and Joshua's Wedding. Good Luck to them both. SUNDAY GRAVY Around here, DC, my husband, which you will meet and get to love like I do, Is the cook. We used to cook together and than the ugly kitchen witch came into my house and now-it is HIS Kitchen. We do NOTHING alike. Me flavor/him safe (Think low everything). One thing we do agree on is any and all of the Italian he can make. One of our very favorite, very authentic Italian cookbooks is the no-non-sense, depression cooking, of Henry Hill: The WISEGUY COOKBOOK-My Favorite Recipes from MY Life As A Goodfella to Cooking on the Run. Many of these recipes provide the backbone for good, hearty, inexpensive meals. And all make fantastic leftovers. Due to my new-found "Agita" and Prilosec routine, we decided to find some comfort food without reflux. Two great thoughts, neither of which I can get enough; Polenta and Risotto with Peas. Both are sinfully easy and can be had with without spice and herbs but never suffer. The Polenta is for me, the truer comfort food of the two because prior to being she-she,froo-froo, we ate it as kids pretending to be German Settlers. Was not called Polenta and did not warrant a huge price tag per serving. The recipe I use is from the Wiseguy Cookbook and it is fine. Basic Stovetop Polenta 6 C. water 1tsp. Salt1C. Course grain Corn Meal 1-1/2 T Margarine or butter1 1/2-1 tsp. Black Pepper 1/4 C. Fresh Ground Parmesan Cheese (optional) 1 T. Olive Oil (optional) (Note: If you happen to have a heavy bottom copper pot called a paiolo, this is great to use for this recipe.Thank-You Evyelyn DiLoreto for mine.) 3C. Water heavy bottom pot (paiolo), and 3 C. water to regular sauce pan. Add salt and corn meal to water in heavy pan and stir with wire whisk to start and then switch to wooden spoon as it thickens. Heat the water in the suacepan to boil and then keep at a simmer. Heat the Polenta mixture to high heat to boil, stirring constantly. Lower heat and simmer, occasionally, for 10 minutes. When the mixture starts to thicken, add another cup of the heated water pan and stir well. Stir constantly for 2 minutes. Cover the pot and let it cook until mixture thickens, approx. 10 min. Polenta should be simmering fast but not boiling. Remove lid, stir well for about 30 seconds. Re-cover and allow to cook another 10 minutes before stirring another 30 seconds. If mixture is too thick,add 1/2 C. heated waterfrom the suasepan, at a time, stirring weel, (You probably won't use all the heated water.) Repeat process once more (for a total of 30 minutes). The polenta should be pulling away from the sides of the panwhen you stir it. If it is not,Stir well and cook another 5-10 minutes. It should have a smooth, not grainy texture. If serving immediately, remove polenta from heat and stir in butter and pepper, then optional cheese. Stir well to combine and serve. If making firm polenta for later use (**MY plan), Cook an extra 5 minutes to thicken a bit more. Lightly oil a 1-1 1/2 Qt. casserole and spoon warm polenta into it, smoothing on top with a spatula or knife.Cool to room temperature, cover with plastic wrap or foil and refrigerate for about one hour. Polenta will get firm as it cools. That's it. I am not going to add the chees into the polenta this time because my step-son likes the slightly sweet flavor without it. I'll add mine on th side. Because I DO LOVE FRESH Grated Parmesan. MANGIA!

2009-03-07T05:23:00.001-05:00

BAD NEWS

2009-03-07T03:49:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe that I did actually blog in 2008. January, but still, fulfilled that resolution. As the months from January to May, Life: It was good. NO, it was perfect. Not a freaking care in the world beyond what time we were going to the gym, which we did- 3 to4 times a week. Yea! And then... ..here came the proverbial... "OTHER M/F SHOE." (NOT MALE/FEMALE HERE). A classic SNAFU as you shall see. I was at the RCC for my annual MAMO. LADIES get yours every year no matter what. My P.A. mentioned that it had been 5years since my last bone scan. So, we decided to schedule on at HAmot to make sure all was OK. I had had an accident in Las Vegas in October- hurt my back and neck and my legs, thighs were killing me. I kept telling the docs. that it was inner pain-inside my bones. AS it was. The scan came back looking like swiss cheese. The breast cancer had metastisized to the bone. Currently, it was in the right hip and the large legbones. We immediately began chemo. and hoped for the best.Ensuing scans were fantastic. Ntot only had the cells responded but, the hips/back was actually better. I became very sick in May and almost went on dialyasis. My system just rebelled. We made through that after 11 days at Hamot and I was back on the plan. Status quo until I began to have excruciating #10 pain in my back and leg again. Plus tired. Went for a CT and a then an MRI. Results; metatisis to spine and brain. I can tell you the medical shit which, bottom line means the same as English. This is not a favorable situation we are facing here folks. Egad. Any thoughts of brain stuff makes me queassy. I just finished a 10 day round of radiation on my head and back. I feel like someone microwaved my brains. I finally have clearer vision and my right face is less numb (decadron). I am taking anti-nausea pills, Prilosec, Morphine, Percocet and then the routine meds. I don't really know how or what I feel. Of course, you ask "How long?" and they don't want to say. Its a sentence and they don't do that. Par for the course= 2 years. Me probably more-because I can be piss and vinegar when I really put my mind to it. So, wow-this has been a wild month for us. My sleeping patterns are all turned around . Apparently, being on a drug like Decadron will do that. Plus, I can sleep when I'm dead right? Yes.That is right. And for now, I make hay whenever I can. My mother (Gertie, 92) does not know. She would freak and it would be very difficult for her to follow one more thing. Now, my current rant is that my hair, what there is, is falling out. But, I do have great wigs and that is fun- I will post pics. Hey, lemons=lemonade. MORAL for Saturday- Make you a priority at certain times. Especially for your health. Do not take advantage, as I did, for a long time. There is only one you and there are people that would miss you being around.

Yo- I'mmmmmmmmmm Baaaaaaaacccccccckkkkkkkkk

2008-01-13T15:38:00.002-05:00

THAT IS MY CAR. 19---64 LE MANS. I Love it. It is about easy life. Brother b/f Vietnam, being a baby... being a baby sister.. the youngest. Now, I have to grow up. Be an Adult. This sucks. :(

New Year Resolution 2007

2007-01-17T05:10:00.000-05:00

See New Year Resolution 2006. Except this time, I mean it!!!

Life is "Funny."

2007-01-17T05:08:00.000-05:00

Sometimes life is "funny". I am currently not speaking with my only surviving sister. We had another sister. She has passed over now. One would think that, after losing a dear one, there should be a stronger connection, an unbreakable bond that NOTHING and NOONE can destroy. Guess not.

Life is really "funny" during the holidays. As I grow older-not always wiser- I see this is a universal happening, not unique to my family alone.

Arrives Christmas holidays 2006. Mom (89) is lamenting the fact that her grandchildren and great grands take her for granted. By this, she means that they make no effort to keep in touch with her. Her birthdays are forgotten, no cards or calls for Mother's Day, Grandparent's Day or any other day, for that matter. You see Mom is my strength. It is she (and my husband and son) that keeps me from just plain givin' up sometimes. We lunch daily and watch "Y and R" together. We gossip, laugh, cry, bond. The holidays are tough on MOM because we lost Dad a few years ago and that makes holidays bittersweet for her.

This year she was extra melancholy because there was no real Christmas plans. My sister and her husband were jetting to Europe for Thanksgiving and off to Connecticut for Christmas to spend it with thier daughter, her husband, and my neice, her husband and their two toddlers. This was especially difficult for Mom because she would love to see the kids and their parents too! After discussing this situation, almost EVERDAY from Thanksgiving to the few days before Christmas, I decided to take action. Big mistake!!! Herein lies the life is "funny."

One evening, I decide to call Syracuse to speak to Amy about not contacting Grandma and how much it would mean to her to receveive a card or a call. Amy and I do not correspond- she is very busy with her job and the two kids and her husband and the house and her scrapbooking and on and on and on and on- you get the point.

Anyhoo, I realize that I don't even have a phone number or current email address for Amy. I know, I can call Connecticut Carla to get the number for Amy ( they are quite close). Yes, I will call Carla and she will give me the number. Plus, I can wish her Happy Christmas too.

Carla is very surprised to hear from me. We chat a bit and I ask for Amy's ph. no. I briefly explain why I would like the number-she asked first. Great, got the number and had a nice talk with Carla (OR SO I THOUGHT!). I proceed to call Amy. She and her family are out. Leave a message to call when convenient. Meanwhile... here is the life is "funny" moment.... Carla calls Mom (my sister, the world traveler) and tells her why I called; Except that she is crying and feels guilty that she has ruined Grandma's holiday because she has invited the family to Conn. This is not what I said, nor did I imply, in any way.

Now is when the proverbial s*** hits the fan. I get a call from my sister, the Cobra (her husband's nickname for her), as I am enjoying a cold one or few at our version of Cheers the next evening. Talk about pissed! She ranted. She raved. She reprimanded. whoa, am I 10 years old again? "How dare I call and upset her daughter." "Who do I think you are?" "Too bad if our Mother has an issue." and on and on.... I listen. I try to interject. I try to appologize. Finally, I give up. "You are ruining my buzz and I am going to hang up now" I tell her, as I click end on my cell. Wow that was very liberating. I have never done that before i.e. ended one of her rants by merely pushing "end."

Next day. I decide to say nothing to Mom about this-what good would that do? This is between myself and my sister.

11:00 AM- Phone rings- It's Syracuse calling. She is so happy to hear from me. I tell her that I am calling to say Merry Christmas and to remind her to call Grandma. She explains that Erie is so far to travel with two kids and Conn. is just easier. I say I understand and merely want to remind her that Grandma would love to hear from her. Fine. Mission accomplished.

12:00 PM- Mom arrives for lunch. We begin to eat. She says- ""What's this between you and your sister??" OMG- the Cobra did not. Yup, she did. She ripped Mom a new one that evening after we talked. How dare she lay a guilt trip.... etc. I tell Mom not to worry.

8:00 PM I have more than a few. I call Cobra and tell her that I will never, Ever call Syracuse/Conn. again. Then I hit "END."

Am I proud? Not at all. I am sad that this whole thing happened. And that is why life is "Funny."

Happy New Year Dammit!

Dandelions

2006-05-04T12:41:00.000-04:00

My husband LOVES dandelions. He wonders why they are considered a weed. They are the bane of everyone who lives in the Northeast. I wonder if they are the bane of other homeowners and landscapers in other parts of the U.S.?

DC loves dandelions because they remind him of his childhood (fond memories.) The "older", neighborhood , Italian gentlemen used to go to a golf course out in the "country" (now think suburbia) to pick chigote (dandelions). THey would pick mounds of fresh, "organic" dandelions with only the best leaves for the recipe. They would then bring home their bounty and the wives and children would clean the dandelions and the cooking would begin. Some people liked the salad with olive oil, salt, pepper, and a bit of vinegar. Other families liked them sauted in olive oil and salt and pepper. However they were prepared, it was not so much the actual recipe and preparation, rather the whole family process of gathering, cleaning, and cooking together. Too bad we have ChemLawn, PerfaLawn, Weed & Feed, and Round Up today. Not only do we destroy the beautiful flowering plants that are a great food source, we have destroyed a family activity that everyone helped to prepare for the meal that they would all share together with crusty bread and a well earned glass of red wine. I am sure that the TV was not on in the background either!

Bathroom Anxiety

2006-04-05T16:09:00.000-04:00

Am I the only one in the world with bathroom--toilet flush- anxiety?? Every time that I flush, I am worried that the water will go the wrong way and overflow the room. I even dream about it. It is the craziest thing. Unless you have ever had to actually clean up such an incident---YUCK! It is so gross, especially in the second floor BR!!

DC enters and is reading this as I blog. I tell him that he really should read my journal sometime. He walks out saying no, Baron (my shrink) oughtta!!

Vacation In Arizona

2006-02-10T03:52:00.000-05:00

I just returned from Phoenix this week. It is a HUGE city-way too big for my liking! Weather was great and Sedona was awesome (Mtn. pics.) Went to car show and Ernie won 1st place (see pic.) Had a great time, the weather made me feel so much better. Ernie and Julie were awesome hosts and they are coming to Erie in June. I hope that we can make them feel as comfortable here.

Wellness Update

2006-01-15T03:24:00.000-05:00

Met with Kathie and Tony Snow today. Viewed "Wellsville" presentation and brainstormed about various components.

Also went to Wellness and worked out with Sharon. She did good and I hope that she stays with it. Our plan is Tue., Thurs, Sat.

Need to develop a wellness journal.

New Year 2006 Resolution

2005-12-31T07:29:00.000-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! My new year's resolution is to go to the Hamot Wellness Center at least 3-4 times per week and get buff for my 25th class reunion in July. I wanna be lean, mean, tan and wow 'em!

Can't wait to go to the gym!

Second ENT Aftercare Visit: Update on Sinuses Status

2005-08-05T05:41:00.000-04:00

4 August 2005 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. IBDC !!

Random Thoughts about My First Week of August 2005

2005-08-05T05:28:00.000-04:00

1a) I always say "rabbit" on the first day of every month. I try to say it alot actually, "they" say it is good luck.

1b) Apparently, not a good day for the fresh road-kill mommy bunny I saw taking a pavement nap in front of our house the same day. Perhaps she was an abbusive parent and the baby bunnies are the lucky ones. I doubt it.

2a) It is the appropriate thing to do (I keep telling myself.)

2b) It really is not that easy to feed the new pet baby bunnies with an eyedropper. I don't care what the vet told you! Hey, they have teeth too!

3a) Good day to trim hedges. Found the trimmer and extension cords that reach from recepticle to shrub!!

3b) Why does it seem that the trimmer blades are really dull until... they hit the power cord?? WHY?!

4a) While trimming, I see something in the bushes...

4b) For God sakes, how many baby bunnies are there in the standard litter?

See ya, I have to go heat the milk!!

The Waiting Game

2005-08-03T06:24:00.000-04:00

3 June 2005 (10 days since CT)

I won't bore 'us' (I like talking in plural now) with the details. Let's just say "expect the worst and it won't be as bad as 'we' thought." Yep. SURGERY, Again. This time 'we' are doing sinus sugery for: 1. a deviated septum (Did I know that I once broke my nose?? Nope-but I do now!!) 2. chronic sinusitis and cyst formation (Did I know that I had sinus disease? Nope- but ...) 3. A look at that nasty little spot on my voice-box (Do I realize that as a cancer survivor I should quit smoking? YES-I'm not stupid!)

Alrighty then. Summer surgery number 4. This is getting ridiculous now. Can't "we" get sick in the Winter, just once??

Facial CAT Scan (not to be confused with eating pussy cats either!)

2005-08-03T06:11:00.000-04:00

24 May 2005

Dr. Schell decides to make this a special event too. Bonus activity... let's inject some dye into Tracy's vein so that we can see her innards in technicolor. Do I like this guy or not?

I, of course, end up with a nurse that has just recently returned to work after a few years "off" (and for what reason I might ask?) And then, my question is answered by her deeds, not her words. This chick is literally DIGGING around in my arm with her needle to "catch" a vein. I explained to her, while she was starting to inject, that I have had chemo. and my veins are very hard to enter...perhaps a... YEOWWCH, smaller...hey I said "OWWWWWCHH" already. Now use a smaller friggin' needle or I am outta here.

She finally pulls out the needle. Because I am now in lala land. Smelling salts. Lights, camera, action, I'm Baaccckkk.

Pale and sweaty I say to her, calmly, though through gritted teeth, "Do ya think 'we' could try a smaller needle this time maybe????" I now burn her name and face on my DO NOT CALL list forever. Cathy, with head tilted says, "I think 'we' might have to try a tiny needle, but it will take a few seconds longer for the dye to enter your arm." Now I want to say "No Cath, where has your sense of adventure gone? Let's use the fat needle and take three times longer just trying to enter the vein so that 'we' can get the dye to go in faster-DUMBASS!" However, I am too exhausted to fight and I lie back in complete resignation of the fact the there is no 'we', SHE is the master and commander of this mission.

CT-Scan goes fine. Jon, the technician is friendly, clean, well-groomed. No problems. "Why do I have to wear a gown if the CT is just for my face?" I think to myself as I lie on the CT table. "Oh, and where do they keep the cat?" delerium has finally hit.

"OUCH Dammit, now that REALLY hurts!!"

2005-08-03T05:27:00.000-04:00

May 17 2005

We decide to go to a specialist- Dr. Schell, ENT, to have my nose and sinuses looked at. Of course, this cannot go without some uncomfortable procedure. Okay, let's see what will really make the patient claw for the ceiling??? Aha, stick a fiber optic tube up her nose and down her throat; That should do it nicely. And it should seem high tech so as to justify the OUTRAGEOUS bill I will send her insurance company. I AM a Specialist you know!

Well, "we" see (he sees and relays to us, his captive audience,) lots of infection, chronic, and... a SPOT on the larynx. OMG, OMG, OMG, Not the dreaded spot sighting, I've already had that and DO NOT like the sounds of it.

I burst into hysterics. DC calms me and reassures the doc that I am just reacting normally given my past history with spots. Of course, I want to break out into MacBeth and do the Lady MacBeth "Out Out Damned Spot" routine to break the tension. DC senses this and gives me the no-don't look.

CT-Scan is scheduled for the following Tuesday. I try not to worry when he tells his nurse, "Get her in ASAP."

FOR THE LOVE OF THE BABY JESUS-NOW WHAT???

2005-08-02T07:28:00.000-04:00

May 11, 2005

We're home from the ER. Not bad, only a 3 hour wait. Thank-God I wasn't bleeding from every oraface!!

They took X-rays. They see something in the face. Must have a CT Scan to be sure.

Probably just sinus infection. Must be sure though.

I call the city-renowned team of Lipman, Schell, et.al. ENTs.

If you have never been, I must tell you that these guys were the bullied kids of our childhood and they are on a lifelong mission to hurt everyone in their path. I bet childbirth does not hurt as much as someone sticking a medical instrument up your nose and down your throat!! Holy Crimeny OUCH

"OMG- I just know it's a brain tumor!!

2005-08-02T07:17:00.000-04:00

May 10, 2005

I have been experiencing these killer headaches below my left eye.

I am very worried.

What if I have a brain tumor?? Yep, that's it. A brain tumor. I just know it-I am going to die from cancer this time. It is always there and it is just waitng to get me during a weak moment (when I begin to enjoy life and think that it has gone away for good.)

I finally tell DC "We must go to the ER (Yech)-- I just know that I have a brain tumor and I am going to die."

He chuckles at my mock panic, "OK. Let's go, there isn't anything else to do today."

We jump into the car with our ERWSK (SAY EARWHISK) ER Waiting Supply Kit:

Bottled water,pain pills, crossword puzzles, novel, magazines, unread mail, pencils/pens, notebook, chewing gum, insurance and ID cards, any recent medical info., list of meds. and allergies, sweatshirt, and any other creature comfort you may need in the next 12 hours!!

High (pain pills) Hoe its to the hospital we go!! Since we'll stay all night, let's hope they get this right, High hoe...

Farewell Terri

2005-03-31T15:31:00.000-05:00

Terri(Schindler) Schiavo passed over today. I was cleaning my basement, listening to the radio, and heard the news minutes after she died- around 9:30 EST this morning.

Finally, the poor woman can regain her dignity in death.

I feel embarrassed for her because the media circus should never have occured. I feel embarressed that the US Government became involved in the whole issue. I feel embarrassed that this woman's final days leave people with the memories of what many have called a "vegetable."

But, I am angry too. Not one person addressed the reason that Terri was in this condition in the first place. Shame on the health care professionals for not using this opportunity to speak up regarding EATING DISORDERS and the possible tragic results that will occur if the condition is untreated.

This afternoon one of her former lawyers, interviewed by Shawn Hannity, adamantly insisted that Terri did not ever have an eating disorder. I sincerely hope that this is the truth. If not, her death was not in vain. We have learned the importance of a living will, the dedication of family, and the strength of faith. If so, it is awful to imagine that her case could have, once again, shed light on this condition. When the world lost the beautiful sound of Karen Carpenter's voice to Annorexia Nervosa, in 1982, her family choose to disclose her struggle with Annorexia. Most of the world had little to no knowledge regarding this condition. Eating disorders were not even in the news in those days. Little was even kown by the medical society regarding how to "cure" this disease. The list of famous "victims" has lenthened and many women have disclosed their own struggles about their battle with the terrible mind games this disorder brings onto its unassuming victims: Debbi Boone, Tracey Gold, Lady Dianna, etc.

Most often, the desire for control, perfection, and to fit the popular media standard of beauty, young women take those first innocent steps into the hell that is called annorexia, bulimia, annorexia/bulimia-eating disorders. What begins as an innocent concept takes hold of every waking moment of these women's lives and, ironically, eats away at their esteem and sense of self to the point where death is often an almost welcome end to a means, just to end the constant pressure that they place on themselves.

Terri, my prayers are with you- may you find peace now.

2005-03-18T19:14:00.000-05:00

March 17, 2005--- My first "dry" St. Patrick's Day no green lips and tongue for me. I did have an O'Doules!

Cha-Ching and Smokin'

2005-03-09T20:40:00.000-05:00

DC called road trip today. Off to New York we went to buy cheap smokes and gamble a little at the Casino in Silver Creek, NY, Indian Reservation. Broke even in gambling but saved a bunch on smokes. Made for a great day!

Heeerrreee's Baldy

2005-03-08T22:48:00.000-05:00

Hi! Here I am in my bald mode. A great style for hot/humid summer-not too great for cold/colder winter.

What I learned along the way: Wigs are FUN!

You'll see.... Think "Three Faces of Eve!!!"