Metastatic Breast Cancer: The Uglier Beast

Well now this has been a most depressing week and a half around here. I am scared shitless this week. I don't know what to do with my sorry butt. Last week, I was physically run down, weak, sick to my bones (literally). Too tired to care about anything but my next breath. This week seems that it is improving. I am getting physically stronger but now I'm a mental case over where my death clock is set. I was so stupid. In 2003, my initial breast cancer diagnosis, I figured, Bump-in-the-Road. Just get it over and done with. Well, that nasty cancer was going to show me. Now, I'm not really even sure where I do and don't have it. I know it is in my bones, spine, brain (EEEKKKKKKKKK). I know that I am on some nasty oral chemo. that makes me puke... alot. And I hurt and am tired EVERYWHERE.my poor mate he is subject to every little thing I feel and gripe about. I feel mean. I snap at the dog (there's a role-reversal), get impatient with my step son and my mother (chronological ages not equal but psychological... OMG.) She is 93 he is 17. I don't know about either of their sex drives but they sure can hit the agitate button with skill! One of my mom and dad's best friends died this past week. I went to the funeral home with her and had the shakes and felt nauseous. 1) a bit close to home for me: "Casket /pine box, cremation?Would DC wear one of those tiny urns or a ring with some of me in it? AW just toss me around Fox Run GC and be done with it. 2) she, who NEVER cries, was upset about judy. Well, she better get out of denial mode soon because I relly don't know what amount of time I'm looking at. To borrow Mom's phrase: Hey Doc, can I still buy ripe bananas??!! I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone but me. Hell, Im probably the only one that reads this and that's OK. Just let DC know that I had a blog.